Not easily broken
25 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
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We spent 2011 studying and evaluating what we believe. We questioned everything to see if it was from God or man. We studied history which involved two thick church history books (one by a Protestant and one by a Catholic) to see how beliefs evolved. On Christmas Day, the decision was made that we would convert from Baptist to Catholic.
Our Baptist church family was very kind and gracious. They wished us the best and couldn’t have been nicer. My husband’s family was great. Most of my family has been very quiet, but some have been very defensive when they couldn’t answer a question that challenged their beliefs. Some of the statements that resulted angered and deeply hurt me at first. But I realized that it was more about what they couldn’t answer than it really was about me. From stories that I have read of other conversions, there are a lot of people who just won’t discuss it.
Some of the efforts to make me the bad guy involved the struggles we went through with my husband’s cancer. That was pretty dirty but I have reflected and evaluated everything that we’ve been through this year. Whether or not everyone agrees, I think we managed through it all with a bit of grace. During quiet time last night, I realized just how much of a toll last year really was.
We started with the challenge to read the Bible from cover to cover. Both my husband and I completed it. The questions that arose and the studying that resulted is probably the toughest spiritual journey that you can take. It takes a major break-down of personal pride to admit that all your life, you might have been wrong. I’m grateful for my upbringing. I did already know a lot of what the Bible said. I didn’t really understand how it all fit together so perfectly until I studied Catholicism.
The first part of last year brought our fourth miscarriage. If this is the first time you’ve heard of it, forgive me but sometimes it’s just easier to deal with it privately. I believe God is in control and He blessed us with a viable pregnancy shortly afterwards. We’ll be welcoming our new addition in just 15 days. But the miscarriage and pregnancy have had a physical toll on me.
Shortly after suspecting that I was pregnant, my husband’s health deteriorated rapidly and we discovered that he had cancer. My father died of cancer so I was brought to tears as soon as the dr began talking about the lymph nodes. Thankfully my husband’s cancer turned out not as dangerous as my father’s but the emotional toll that a battle with cancer can bring is definitely significant.
Looking back at 2011, I can’t imagine much more that one family could go through physically, emotionally and spiritually. But there was a lot of good to last year. We learned so much! We had peace through Mike’s battle. We didn’t fall apart. And 2012 is seeing us with my husband in remission, our baby on the way and us all enjoying our new path of faith. I am grateful for the strength of our immediate family unit. It wouldn’t have been as doable if we couldn’t lean on each other.
Thinking back last night, the phrase Not easily broken came to mind. But truly it’s more than that, my husband and I both felt the call to make some changes in our way of life this year. I firmly believe that God is guiding our steps and it’s very exciting. Not just what we will be doing this year but what God’s plan for our family is in the years to come. I’ve also felt the freedom of forgiveness of past wrongs. There’s not a need to guard myself as much although after some of the statements last week, I truly wished that I had guarded a little bit. But I imagine that I’ll see that as all part of His Master Plan sometime in the future.
I think it’s more about being “pliable.” The clay in the Potter’s hands. No longer is the idea that we have it all figured out. We aren’t rigid in our adherence to beliefs of generations past but rather open to the leading of the Holy Spirit wherever it might lead. I can see now where had I not listened to the Holy Spirit when I was called to read the Bible in 90 days, how easily my life could have felt that it had shattered into many pieces. And I may still be a lump of clay to some, but I can see God molding our whole family into something useful and beautiful. I am looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.
